My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
