Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
