OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
