Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
