I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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