new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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