no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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