no, he came in my armpit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
