I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
