Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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