I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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