strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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