my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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