Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
