i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
