sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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