We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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