Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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