I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize