I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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