is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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