The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize