I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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