who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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