Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize