all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
