Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
