Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
