The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
