Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They took my balls.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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