11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
