I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
