if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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