I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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