'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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