clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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