My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
