please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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