I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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