I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize