i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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