Soap is not a condiment
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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