What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
