Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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