my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
