I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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