ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
