gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
