I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
