Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
