oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
