Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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