Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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