Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
