Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
