I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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