Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
