New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
