did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
