Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
