Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just cropdusted the office
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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