tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
